No Time To Rush
Monday morning in Awaken the Dance
"When I walk half as fast, I notice twice as much." Tara Brach
So there's this crazy thing that happens. The more I try to get done, in the name of crossing off my to-do list so I can finally rest, the crazier I feel. The more disembodied, overwhelmed, stressed out and irritable I become.
You know what I mean- the tiny moments in the day I check my e-mail so I can delete the junk, etc....all the little things/tasks/technological workings we squeeze in so we can stop. But when do we stop?
My family is trying something radical this winter. We've gotten rid of our wi-fi, we now have to plug into the wall to get internet. Seems small and easy but it's actually a pain in the ass- it cuts through those moments of "just checking something quickly." We are putting our phones in airplane mode in the house and car. We are switching off our breakers at night and quieting our house.
As my son becomes a tween, and our lives become more and more individuated from each other's, the times at home with each other become more precious. I want them. I want to be here for all of them. Even the hard ones.
When I'm in the world, in line at the store, driving through annoying traffic, I want to feel myself. I want to have myself throughout the day instead of living inside my busy thoughts with my to-do list as the thread. I am slowly waking up to how much suffering comes from these little moments of checking out online, of Facebook, email, Instragram, etc...How hard it is to negotiate myself between the present moment and the online world. Or how easy it is to check-out of my body in the car. I literally almost got in an accident yesterday because I was so engrossed in the podcast I was listening to, I didn't realize how fast I was driving. So when the dumbass car pulled out right in front of me, I almost hit them. Scared the shit out of me. Wouldn't have happened if I had been in my body, alert to the present moment.
When I'm dancing, sometimes the speed of the music takes me into wild thrashing around. And sometimes it feels good. But it can also become another way to succumb to the momentum of my environment. I realized a few years ago that no matter what the music's doing and how much ecstasy and release is pouring through my body- if I take a few moments to slow down, to move in slow motion, I can connect to myself and pleasure in shocking ways. In the most delicious ways. In ways that I can tangibly tune into later when I need it. Like getting dinner together, or sitting in traffic. I can find micro-movements that my body's muscle memory and sense memory can call up on the spot, and nourish me deeply.
So here's your winter's invitation, to slow the F*^!$ down and be there for your life. To find the moments of slowing down and inhabiting the skin you're in, instead of letting the momentum of life have you. Because as Tara Brach says, "there's no time to rush."